“Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”
The year gone past was one of the most beautiful years if I would like to think so. I can also call it as an year full of obstacles.
The best of 2018
Even though I achieved a lot more and you have also been witnessing my progress over the year, I want to call out on my favourites.
1.Published a book
This had been a dream of mine since forever. I made this dream come true by writing a book in 15 days and publishing it on my birthday. It was not only the best birthday gift I ever gave myself but it also gave me a new confidence in life.
Back in TamilNadu, I often felt that I didn’t know enough Tamil. Once I moved to Karnataka, I realised that I automatically speak in Tamil and not my mother tongue when conversing with locals. It was definitely a proud moment to start thinking in a new language.
I experienced the true charm of meditation in the second half of this year. I had been happier and attracting my luck by staying positive through meditation.
I never knew that I could be good at photography. This new hobby helped me discover my creativity and taught me that you will never know what you are good at unless you try it.
The worst of 2018
Even though I read a lot of books, I could not make notes and write reviews for them. Whatever I learnt is sort of lost in air right now. Also, I didn’t track properly all the books I was reading. This makes it difficult today to actually measure how many books I read in the past one year.
My exercise routine went to dogs. I put on close to 7 kgs this year which is even more depressing. If not for anything else in the next year, I want to lose weight and become fit again.
What are the highlights of your 2018? What goals for 2019?
Let us know in the comments section.
Author: John Gottman
The relationship cure is a book true to its words. Even though some of the concepts were already known ones but the basic framework for a healthy relationship has been put in a neat and easily usable way.
The five steps involved in building a connection with anyone is
1.Analyze the way you bid and the way you respond to others’ bids.
2. Discover how your brain’s emotional command systems affect your bidding process.
3. Examine how your emotional heritage impacts your ability to connect with others and your style of bidding.
4. Develop your emotional communication skills.
5. Find shared meaning with others.
The beauty of the book is the way the author explained everything through examples which are easily relatable. Also, he mentions how it should not be done and the right way of dealing it. Even though most of it looks like common sense, that is the same common sense most of us lack when it comes to relationships.
A lot of relationships die because of the resentment which builds due to improper response to emotional bids. This is usually called as incompatibility whereas in reality it is just a matter of paying attention to your counterpart.
Even if you learn to pay attention, there is a way to communicate what you feel. You can’t be blunt and hurt the other person when they are trying to go out of their way to build the relation. There is a dedicated chapter which teaches you the basic way of communicating without offending the other person. The favorite part of this chapter for me is to collect emotional moments everyday.
Apart from the above, there are a lot of tests for you to figure out where you stand. The chapter on emotional command systems helped me in my project of classifying people based on their personality types. It explains that conflicts arise between two people because they don’t understand the emotional command system each one is built with.
Your present emotional intelligence is heavily dependent on the family you were raised in. Even though a part of it is influenced by the genes, the major part of it can be attributed to the brought up. There are tests to identify which family you were brought up in. Using that you understand the reason why you respond to emotional bids the way you do right now and how you can change them.
“Your eyes won’t lie”, this is a common statement I heard growing up. That’s true when it comes to body language. Even if you are saying nice things, when you don’t really mean it, it will show up in your body language. Any person with a bit of emotional intelligence will be able to pick up those cues.
The last but not the least part is about finding a shared meaning. Most of the deep friendships I have seen in my life rise through these. My meditation teacher also often advises me to find a deep shared meaning to build relation with anyone.
Who is this book for?
It is for anyone who is struggling to cope with their emotions. Even though the heading reads as a book on relationship, it is more about understanding yourself first. It helps you evaluate your current emotional intelligence, gives you tips on improving your intelligence and then apply them in your relations.
How should you read this book?
Don’t read it as a novel. Read a concept. Test it. It might take a week to a month. Then come back and evaluate where you stand and then proceed further.
I read this book at a stretch. But I realized that I wasn’t benefiting at all from the book. I will break it into actionable points and work on them over the next year.
Purchase your copy here.
Happy becoming emotionally intelligent!
Even though I caught up with my schedule in the first half of the month, frequent vacations disrupted it in the second half. But I could still make some progress overall.
Review of November
I was busy and could not really do the entire day thought tracker. But at the end of the day, I brainstormed my issues and sorted them in priority order. This helped me resolve a lot of issues running through my mind.
I failed in meditating for 30 continuous days. Even though I sat for meditation, I could not really control my thoughts. I need to skeleton it to even smaller step to make this a habit.
Even though I didn’t follow the exact schedule, I could read well in the first half.
It was similar to the other books I read on this topic. Since it was repetitive, I didn’t have the motivation to complete it.
The relationship cure
This book has given me another way to classify people which helps me connect with the initial classification of hormones. Apart from that too, it talks about how to have satisfying relationships.
The four hour body
I like the logic mentioned in the book. But it wasn’t practical enough. Even worse, it might not work for everyone. Also, it was not a sustainable way to approach life.
I didn’t learn any new concepts on creativity. But he explained the old concepts with examples from real lives. This made the book interesting.
I haven’t read much of this book. But whatever I read so far, felt very profound.
- One word a day – Initially, I could not stick to it. I was picking up words from my surroundings. Later I realised that I could use an app to learn one phrase a day. This helped me to stick with the goal.
- Listen to one song – I downloaded a song from the movie I watched and learned words from it.
- Watch one movie – I watched Kathayondu Suruvagide. This movie helped me realise that most of the words in Kannada were either in Telugu or Tamil. It is just the verbs which are different.
From the above exercise, I realised that learning a word is different from speaking. When I try to communicate with the locals, the default language I speak in is Tamil. I need to learn to frame the sentences in Kannada and consciously speak in that.
I got back to writing on Quora. Also, I added 2000 more words to my book.
Plans for December
A few incidents in November made me realise that I run so much on routines that I have become inflexible to any unforeseen changes. Even though living in an auto-pilot mode makes you go a step closer to success, it is highly detrimental to overall success in life because life is all about twists and turns. You need to know how to still get your work done even if everything goes upside down.
In this month, I don’t want to learn anything new. I want to wrap up things and get set for the next year.
1.Reading and Writing
I read a lot of books this year but then I left a lot of them halfway. It’s easier to start new books. The tough part is completing the book and implementing what I learnt in it. It might not be possible to go through all the books again but I will do how much ever I can and publish a book review for at least a few.
2.Speak in Kannada
Only when I start speaking, it counts that I am learning the language. I want to speak at least a word daily. I don’t feel that connect with Kannada, the way I feel for Tamil. May be it comes with time.
Easiest way to work out for longer times and sure shot way to lose weight. Starting with 10 minutes a day, I want to increase it slowly.
That’s all for December.
How was your November? What are your plans for December?