Mentor: You suck at communication.
Mentee : Okay!
Mentor: From tomorrow I will teach you tricks to communicate better.
Mentee: I am more than happy to learn Sir!
Whenever you communicate, there are two ways to communicate it. One is by being harsh (case1) and the other is by being nice(case2). But why are we harsh most of the time?
People are harsh for a variety of reasons.
1.Fear of being taken advantage of:
A few people when asked why they are harsh all the time, they said that they are afraid that people will take advantage of them if they are nice all the time. It might be true at a few times. But remember that god helps those who help others.
A few other people assume that they can’t get work done if they are not demanding things from others.
They think they are at a higher level than others. It can even be because that they give so much to the other person. Hence they think they have the right to be harsh.
People are nice for a variety of reasons:
1.They want to be known as someone good:
Everyone likes nice people. They don’t feel the fear to communicate with them. But the people who are nice because they want to be perceived as nice suffer a lot internally unable to bear the pressure.
2.It is their inborn nature:
Some people are born that way. They are nice all their life.
Which group do you fall under?
You need not necessarily fall in the two groups. You might be in the mixed group where sometimes you are harsh and sometimes you are nice. You are harsh to people whom you take for granted. You know that they will be there irrespective of whether you are nice or rude to them. You act nice to people under whose eyes you want to be a good person.
What are the disadvantages of acting to be nice?
You might get all the expected benefits of being nice. But you are being a person, whom you actually are not. This adds up to unnecessary internal stress which makes you show this anger on a person whom you take for granted. If you recall, there might be instances where you tried being nice to your boss even though he made you stay till late in the night and ended up screaming at your kids for no mistake of theirs. We do this all the time and make our relations weak and unhealthy. The child does not understand that you had a bad day at office. All it understands is “Mumma does not like me. She only shouts at me all the time”. It was not your intention to convey that. So we need to stop this displacement of annoyance.
How to be nice?
The assumption that action and reaction take place simultaneously is false. There is a small gap between action and reaction. We need to hack into this and take advantage of this. Whenever you catch yourself snapping, wait for a moment, try to rephrase your statement and let it out.
2.Lighten the moment:
If you could not catch yourself in the previous step, make your next statement in a friendly, loving or funny way. Lighten the atmosphere. If you have just screamed at your child that she is troubling you everyday for food. In the next statement mention that you love her and that is the reason why you get angry. Or make the food in children friendly way. Make the food into cartoon shape. Use some creativity. Make things fun.
Happy being nice!