Happiness

The Need to Belong

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I feel so lonely. I just wish I had someone who can understand me. Everyone of us feel this at some point or the other. But what if someone feels this way every day? Is it still considered as normal?

There are a few who feel this almost everyday. They need constant love and attention. If that is denied they try to create problems in their life to get others attention. They are always complaining about petty things. A very few of them realise this as young adults. For a few it becomes a part of their life. As adults they suffer in their marriage. They will not be able to take care of their children. Even though they have good academics, they will struggle to get respect from others. When a needy person does not get love he might even commit suicide.The root cause of this is not getting enough love as infant.

The following are a few ways one can deal with it:

1. Practise self compassion:

  When one practises self compassion, it helps one give to oneself the love they need. Humans are more harsh on themselves than on others. Be your own friend. Take care of yourself as you will take care of others.You can download some self compassion videos to start with.

 

2. Maintain a gratitude journal:

Write everyday what good the other person has done for you. You will be habituated to look for the positive things when you are not getting enough attention.

3. Discuss your problem with a trusted one:

When you tell a friend or partner or someone whom you trust, they might remind you of your mental condition when you get into that mode.

4. Meditate:

Meditation cools your mind. You might not be able to focus well in the beginning. But that helps in identifying that you feel attention in the beginning itself.

5. Pursue a hobby:

Make sure that you don’t have too much of idle time. Involve yourself in flow like activities.

Happy conquering loneliness!

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