{"id":605,"date":"2017-12-24T19:18:40","date_gmt":"2017-12-24T13:48:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lensq.com\/?p=605"},"modified":"2017-12-24T19:18:40","modified_gmt":"2017-12-24T13:48:40","slug":"actual-cause-loneliness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/24\/actual-cause-loneliness\/","title":{"rendered":"The actual cause of Loneliness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Loneliness is a very loosely used term.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you say you are lonely, the advise you receive is<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mingle more<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be social<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Become attractive<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Keep yourself occupied<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Change places<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Go on a vacation<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try a new hobby<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The above list will help those who are temporarily lonely. But if you have been experiencing chronic loneliness, you will desperately try all of them only to feel more lonely and feel more distressed that you are hopeless. By escaping from reality you are only building a temporary respite. The root cause is not solved and it keeps haunting you over and again. <\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Root Cause of Loneliness<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the root causes of loneliness is insecure attachment. According to research, 40% of the adults are insecurely attached. Insecure attachment happens mostly in infancy when your parents did not reciprocate to your emotions and attention bids.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Insecure attachment is of two types: Attachment anxiety and Attachment avoidance.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<strong>Symptoms of Attachment anxiety:<\/strong><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You overly apologize<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need constant confirmation that you are loved<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are always in need of emotional support and can\u2019t get enough of it<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You often feel painful emotions<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You constantly imagine rejection<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are too sensitive to handle<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You open up too deep and fast in a relationship<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are stuck in a miserable relation because you prefer it to being alone<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are always on the lookout for the right person to connect to and expect him to be the solution for all your problems<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<strong>Symptoms of Attachment avoidance:<\/strong><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can relate only when there is a purpose and terrible at small talk<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You never ask for emotional help<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You derive your worth from competence. If you are able to achieve, you feel pride and if you don\u2019t you feel shame.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are often in need of a company but don\u2019t know what and how<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You try to prove yourself in the conflict rather than solving the problem<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may have both attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance too. Don\u2019t blame your parents now because they did their best in raising you. They might be also insecurely attached and would not have known how to provide the right care.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What can you do to stop feeling lonely?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<strong>1.Mindfulness<\/strong><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research found mindfulness can create same impact on brain which secure attachment in childhood does. Mindfulness basically helps you deal with the painful emotions which you encounter in insecure attachment. Once you feel aware of your emotions and pay attention to it, you will become the parent who gives secure attachment to the child.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<strong>2.Self Compassion<\/strong><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-compassion is about giving yourself permission to make mistakes. When you make a mistake you should not beat yourself up but talk to yourself in a soft and gentle manner on the path to avert the recurrence of mistake.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<strong>Reference:<\/strong><br \/>\n1.<a href=\"http:\/\/iojes.net\/userfiles\/Article\/IOJES_253.pdf\">http:\/\/iojes.net\/userfiles\/Article\/IOJES_253.pdf<\/a><br \/>\n2.<a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s12671-014-0303-5\">https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s12671-014-0303-5<\/a><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What type of attachment do you have? When are you starting mindfulness practice? <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Share it with us in comments section.<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Happy fighting loneliness!<\/span><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Loneliness is a very loosely used term. &nbsp; If you say you are lonely, the advise you receive is Mingle more Be social Become attractive Keep yourself occupied Change places &hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":606,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-happiness","has-meta has-sticky-meta"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/605","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=605"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/605\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lensq.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}