How to overcome self-pity and become mentally stronger


Mona: “I am the most unlucky person in the world. Entire world is against me.”
Sona: “What happened?”
Mona: “Everything bad happens only to me.”
Sona: “Why do you think so negatively?”
Mona: “What else do you think I should do? No one treats me well.”

Does Mona really have a lot of problems to deal with?
May be! May be not!

She is not looking at her problems from outside but she is consuming herself in her problems.

She is just dwelling in self-pity.

“If you keep telling the same sad small story, you keep living 

the same sad small life” – Jean Houston

Do you also enjoy self-pity? 

How many of the below thoughts do you get frequently?


>I am the most unfortunate one.
>No one has as many problems as I do.
>My life will never get better.
>God just wants to test me all the time.
>Why can’t I get better people in my life?
>Why do people fail to understand that my life is miserable?
>I don’t want to go out today. I need to think about my problems.
>There is no light at the end of this tunnel.
>Life is unfair.

All of us get these thoughts once in a while. But if you get even one of those thoughts frequently, you are dwelling in self-pity. You might not be feeling self-pity in all areas of your life. Even that one area where you are feeling it, is sufficient to ruin your life.

When I moved to a new company, I hated the work there. I was always complaining. I complained about how the work is too low for my skill set. I cribbed about how the machines were too slow. I complained at the slightest sign of discomfort.

Complaining didn’t make my life better. People only hated me more. They looked at me as a complaint-box. If there was a meeting for mentioning issues, they would nominate me as there was no one who can compete with me in complaining. I didn’t have any friends at all as no one wanted to be friends with a person who felt entitled. And my professional life suffered.

This is what is going to happen to you too or might already be happening if you are stuck in self-pity. You will never be able to appreciate the good things in your life and life only becomes miserable day by day and you finally end in depression.


Here is what I have done to get out of it


Catch yourself saying those negative statements:

I have taken a firm resolution that I am not going to let any of those negative thoughts pass my mind. In the beginning it was difficult. I was constantly bombarded with negative thoughts. But I restrained myself from paying attention to them. This one habit has improved my life tremendously.

Move from complaining to solving approach:

I have a problem. I can either solve it or ignore it. I choose solving wherever I could. I ignored what I could not. This gave me more control over life and moved me away from self-pity.

Appreciate the good things in life:

I spend a few minutes daily thinking about the good things in life. I appreciate the breeze across my face. I admire the sunset. I feel the water while it touches my lips and then goes down the throat. Appreciating the small things in life helped me ignore the petty things I was worried about.

Gratitude journal:

Apart from appreciating things, feel grateful for the good things that happened to you, about the wonderful people you have in life. Send a thank you note to someone who cares for you.

My problem was petty but I felt it was a big one. You might be actually dealing with a death of loved one or loss of property. But the magnitude of the problem does not give you permission to indulge in self-pity. 

Get yourself out of the problem. Stop feeling that life is unfair. Follow the steps which I did to get out of self-pity. Feel mentally stronger.

Life is too short to waste time on self-pity.Get out of it and see the brightness which life has to show you.

Share your stories of self-pity and how you overcame it in the comment section below.

Happy becoming mentally stronger!

Comments

  • a thought by Shubhangi Kumbhar

    Really very nice article.

  • a thought by Nikitha

    Thank you 🙂

Comments are closed.