Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
I was angry with a friend. She insulted me. Her words were replaying in my head over and again. Whenever I had some free time, those words came up in my head. I was replaying the hurt again and again. I had to stop it. I found it really difficult to accept that she could stoop that low. But that was the truth. After reading about cognitive distortions, the only way out I found was to let go off the thoughts. For that, I need to forgive her.
I immediately switched my mind and thought about the situation from her perspective. She was being immature but then that was the only way she could find to cover her mistakes. She had to defend. I decided to forgive her immaturity.
I am at peace now.
Even though I narrated the incident in a simple way, it was never this simple. Not this incident alone, whenever I had to forgive, I always found it difficult.
Why do you struggle to forgive?
1.You are afraid of being hurt again
Whenever I forgave, I forgot the incident too. I behave as if nothing really happened. By doing that, I gave the other person the power to hurt me again. Over time, I realised my mistake. Now I draw the line a little farther than before. By doing this, I have removed the privilege for the person to hurt me.
2.You are afraid that they will take you for granted
They are for sure going to take you for granted. But then you need to redefine the rules of your relationship. You can explain to the other person what you are ready to accept and what you will not.
3.You are afraid of losing your power
It is never a healthy relation if you are talking about who holds the greatest power. Rethink about the way you are looking at relations.
Why should you forgive?
When you ruminate on the negativity someone else imposed on you, you will magnify and displace the emotions on others too. You will go down spirally and hit the rock bottom. It is not a fun place to reach or stay. Stop the thought chain before you are thrown into the spiral.
The one who is ready to forgive is more open to expand the relations. The more social a person is the more chances for him to feel connected. Greater the well-being, greater is the happiness.
3.Reduces health problems
A mild illness in the body signifies a negative thought process. The ones who are prone to heart attack are the ones with hypertension. The more you harbour anger, the higher your blood pressure goes. Do you want all this fuss for not being able to forgive? Why do you want to suffer for someone else’s immaturity?
When was the last time you found it difficult to forgive? What did you do then?
Happy letting go things!