I am tired of listening to the same story my friend repeats over and again. I put a lot of efforts to change her but gave up now. I know that there is no point in trying to persuade her anymore apart from ruining our friendship.
Why did she not change?
She got used to her current situation. Moving out of this is a new zone. Even if it is going to be better, it is still a new zone.
She is afraid that the new zone might give new challenges which might be tougher than this. She is not ready to face them.
3.Lack of responsibility:
She is not ready to take responsibility for her life. She is happy with putting blame on others.
She does not believe that life can be good. She only looks at the problems in the changed life.
Any change requires efforts. According to Newton’s first law, every body continues to stay in inertia or state of motion unless acted upon by an external force. They want someone else to lay down the carpet so that all they can do is walk.
If she does not have anything to feel bad about, what is she going to indulge her mind in?
It requires a deeper level of honesty to accept that these can be the reasons.
Your reasons for not changing might be different too.
But this is just my observation.
What can you do to change your life?
Before going into what can be done to change, first ask yourself
1.“Why do I want to change?”
If you don’t have an answer to this question, there is no point in moving further. Only a strong why will help you stick to the change.
2.“How will the change help me?”
Whenever you try to put efforts on something, one measure which is going to be useful is cost-benefit ratio. Change is tough. It might be tiring too. Here the efforts you put in for the change are costs. The benefits you are going to get is the changed person. Does the changed person help you more than the efforts you put in for the change?
To the explain the concept in a simpler way, consider this example. You work day and night at your office with a hope of getting a good hike in salary. But at the end of the year, all they give you is a promotion with no hike and higher responsibilities. Here the efforts are high but the benefits are nil. What was the use of you putting in additional efforts for not getting the desired change?
Note: I am not against working hard or learning a lesson. But while choosing a change look at the benefits you want to reap.
3.“How does this change align with the bigger why of my life?”
When I made my initial list of 30-day challenges, they were very diverse. One challenge was in no way related to the next challenge. I discarded the list and decided on the go my monthly resolutions. But when I look back today, I can connect the dots for my monthly resolutions. I can’t do real-estate one month and dance the next month. But I can stop complaining this month and start complimenting next month. Both of which tie up to a bigger goal of becoming a likable person.
Your change should also tie up to the person you want to become.
How can you change?
If you want to become thinner, when you order a pizza, you make a choice of without cheese instead of with cheese. Similarly, in life, you start making choices which help in favouring your goal.
Instead of associating a change with pain, find something rewarding about the change and feel the pleasure. Mind usually avoids pain and goes for pleasure.
I was a narrow-minded person before I saw the outside world. Once I met different people, been to different places, change has been automatic without efforts.
Why do you find it difficult to change? What experience changed you the most? Let us know in the comments section.
P.S: I haven’t abandoned my friend. I just listen to her. Because that is all she expects from me.
Happy changing for the better!